Gone But Not Forgotten
by LITERARYjunkie25
Summary: "I can't give up on her. If I give up on her, I'm giving up on this feeling I have for her. I'm not ready for that to happen yet."  My take on the Amelia/Sheldon relationship and Amelia's addiction.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I do not own Private Practice...if I did, why would I be posting mediocre fic? :)  
>Okay, I am LOVING the AmeliaSheldon relationship and I'm really sad to not see more of fics of them, so I'm taking it upon myself! REVIEW!

Addison Montgomery was not one to sit by and let those around her self destruct. She had far too much experience with pain and destruction with Derek and Mark and the subsequent angst that followed. She knew first hand that sitting by passively and hoping beyond hope that everything would work itself out was a waste of time. In the end, sitting on the sidelines only increased the likelihood of disaster and catastrophe striking.

As a woman who had finally alleviated decade's worth of guilt over failed marriages, aborted babies, and destroyed lives, she would not allow Amelia to guilt her into believing that Addison had no place in trying to save her.

Worst case scenario-and most desperate scenario-Addison could play the last ace in her hand, the employer card. It was her job as the boss to keep her employees in line, even relapsed addicts. She needed to protect those who worked for her, and protect those subsequent patients. Amelia had saved countless lives in otherwise impossible situations. It was up to Addison and the rest of Oceanside Wellness to save Amelia from the medical board. They were vultures circling the practice, looking for any excuse to bring them down.

All of her motivations to help Amelia, however, paled in comparison to the not so subtly hidden motivations of Sheldon Wallace. Sheldon, who had worked himself into a frenzy looking for his friend (whom he claimed to have strictly platonic feelings for). Sheldon had set up a mini-command center in her living room. As he said, "It's the most convenient place. I can keep searching here and keep an eye on her house in case she comes back."

Addison had been reluctant to allow his invasion of her home. She had enough going on in her own life that she was hesitant to allow her sanctuary to be invaded. However, the frenzied, lost look in Sheldon's eyes made her pause and allow the psychologist to set up shop in her living room, which conveniently had a window with a direct view into Amelia's home.

Her living room had been into a center of operations in "Operation Amelia". Sheldon had a map of the county spread across her coffee table, with a small, red "X" to denote where Sheldon had already decided Amelia was not. In addition, a small list of hospitals and morgues was next to the map. Sheldon had frantically called each hospital, first asking whether or not Amelia had come through, and then giving his contact information in case she did.

The calls to the morgue were the worst. He dreaded that he would have to hear that they had found her body. He would have to take the long drive down to the morgue, then identify her body. He hoped to God he would never hear the words, "Yes, Dr. Sheldon we do have a Dr. Amelia Shepherd here."

In addition to his maps and lists, Sheldon had set up a phone system so that any of his police contacts could alert him to any new developments in the search for Amelia. Addison still wanted to know exactly _how_ Sheldon had these police contacts, but she refocused on Sheldon's frenzied search.

Addison leaned against the doorway, observing the psychologist. He was constantly moving-pacing the floor, clicking his pen, loosening and tightening his tie. It was so unlike the Sheldon she knew. So still and calm in the face of all of Oceanside's crises. Now, Amelia's disappearance, almost 72 hours ago now, sent the psychologist into a frenzy.

Addison stepped in before Sheldon could run himself into the ground.

"Sheldon. It's been almost 3 days. Maybe she doesn't _want_ to be found. You need to stop," at this Sheldon's eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared in disagreement, "Fine. Maybe not stop, but at least slow down. You won't be doing Amelia any good if you can't even keep yourself healthy."

With a helpless glance towards the empty, darkened windows of Amelia's home, Sheldon responded, "Addison, I can't stop. Amelia needs us-needs me. She's in a bad place right now, her medical license is potentially on the line, and more importantly, her life is on the line. So no, I can't stop, I _won__'__t_ stop. I will sacrifice the luxury of sleep until Amelia is safe again."

On that note, Sheldon's face softened, frustration and desperation fading away, leaving only vulnerability on his handsome face.

"I don't know what this feeling is that I have for, yet. All I know is that I have this inherent need to protect her and care for her-keep her safe. If we give up on her-if _I_ give up on her-I'm giving up on this feeling, and I'm not ready to do that yet."

He turned away from the sudden pity and understanding that resided in Addison's eyes. The last thing he needed was pity, he just needed someone to be as desperate as he was to find Amelia. It looked like Charlotte was the only one at this point, but he wasn't ready to jump in the middle of whatever it was that Charlotte and Amelia had going on.

Addison spoke, "Sheldon, just please think about yourself. I get that you're worried about Amelia, but while you are worrying about Amelia, who is worrying about you? I know we've never been particularly close, but I care about you. The whole practice cares about you. Just," she paused, knowing she had to tread carefully here, "remember that Amelia is an addict."

Sheldon glared at the term, as if it was an offensive word.

"Addicts bring those around them down, Sheldon. I just don't wanna see you hurt. If Amelia proves to be unreachable or lost to us, I want you to be able to move on from this."

She searched for any sign of acknowledgement or understanding, but only saw steely determination in Sheldon's eyes. Finally, Sheldon spoke.

"I will consider it, but I won't consider her gone. She's had a relapse. I will save her."

He turned away and focused on his maps and lists of hospitals which he started to update.

Addison smiled a soft, sad smile and turned away, whispering, "I hope you do. I hope you do."

PHEW. Alright, that's chapter one. The next chapter we will see Amelia and her take on the scene where she wakes up naked with a roomful of strange men...PLEASE REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: WOW. Okay watched yesterday. There were so many Amelia/Sheldon moments that broke my heart. The only thing I didn't understand was why Amelia kept referring to Ryan as "the man she loved" This is my take on Amelia's desperation for his love and the desire to be loved. Oh, and I obviously don't own Private Practice...

Amelia woke in a hangover haze. Her vision was blurry, her head was pounding, and there was a strange odor in the unfamiliar hotel room. A mixture of sex, sweat, alcohol, smoke, and filth.

She felt the cheap bed sheets wrapped around her greasy, naked body, and sat up at the sound of multiple male voices, whispering conspiratorially.

The sheer panic she felt wiped away the remaining cobwebs of uncertainty in her head. Ryan and his apparent friends looked over at her.

"Hey! The lady doctor be wakin' up, bro."

The one male who spoke looked dirty and still had the glazed over look of being high. His teeth were yellowed, his hair uncut and greasy, his clothes grimy and reeking of drugs and sweat.

Upon further observation, the other two males in the room were nearly identical. They all had the image of a stereotypical druggie. She felt disgusted. _And __who __are __you __to __judge? __You__'__re __one __of __them __now. __Have __you __seen __what _you _look __like? _These thoughts came unbidden to her mind, and she felt a surge of shame. Damn, she needed another hit.

She took note of the men's leering gaze and became aware of her nakedness in a room full of strung out men. _Keep __it __cool. __Get __yourself __the __hell __out __of __this __situation. __Dammit, __what __would __Sheldon __do? __Find __the __alpha. __Identify __with __him. __Ally __yourself._ At the thought of Sheldon, another jolt of shame came to her.

The things she said to him. She shook her head, trying not to give much thought to the way she brushed off the way he tried to help her...

Right. Alpha male. The three strangers seemed to be looking at Ryan for guidance. They wanted to see what the next move would be, where the next hit would come from.

She spoke out, in what she hoped was a clear voice, to Ryan, "Baby, this is a private party. I don't want them here."

She gave her best pout, hoping Ryan would want her all to himself.

Ryan opened his mouth to protest, but upon consideration, realized she was the best source for _free_ drugs.

"Right, you hear the lady, boys. Out! We can meet up at the lady's house later."

Cold dread swept through her. They knew her address? Even in her less than sober state, Amelia knew enough to get out of this situation. She was a survivor, dammit.

Ryan had locked the door to their shabby motel after seeing his friends out, and turned toward her with a predatory gleam in his eye.

"So, my lady, we are out of fun pills. And we couldn't help but notice you are also out of scripts...so we were thinking you could go and get another script pad to keep this party going."

He moved to cover her body with his own, and began planting kisses up and down her throat in hopes of persuading her to go along with his plan.

"The boys really liked partying with you last night. I mean they _really_ liked it. I didn't know you were so kinky."

He smiled a smile that contained no warmth and only mirthless laughter at a memory Amelia couldn't recall. She shuddered. _Kinky?__Party?__What t__he __hell __happened __last __night?_

She'd had blackouts before, but she had never woken up naked in a room with four strange men before. What if they, she gulped at the thought, what if they raped her? Was it rape if she was so drugged out she couldn't remember?

Tears came to her eyes as she thought of those men, those dirty men, touching her. She knew, now more than ever, that she had to get out. She had to get help.

She cut off the line of thought, not quite coherent enough to deal with the repercussions of a possible rape.

She plastered a smile on her face for Ryan, who was currently trying to move the sheet out of his way, so his lips could continue a path down her body.

"'Course baby. I'm the lady doctor, right? Lemme get dressed and I'll be right back."

She shrugged a disappointed Ryan off her body, opting to pull on a pair of sweatpants and her top. She stumbled to the bathroom and finally got a look at herself in the mirror.

Her hair was lank and greasy. Tangled and unkept. Her eyes were glassy. There were dark circles under her eyes. She looked thin, as if she hadn't eaten in days. And maybe it had been days. How long had it been since she got drugged? What day _was_ it?

She splashed water on her face. Under the harsh lighting of the motel, her skin looked translucent and pale. This was not her. Who would want this waif of a creature? Certainly not anybody of reputable worth. Certainly not _him._

Maybe Ryan _was_ the only one to love her, in his own way. Ryan understood the addiction. The need to escape from reality. Ryan loved her. He had said it many times (at least the times she could recall). Yes, Ryan _loved_ her. He loved _her._

She would help him. She would get him the drugs. They could be happy together. Blissful in their drug induced haze. Escaping pain and reality. They could be happy, they _would_ be happy.

She turned to leave the motel, and headed for the practice. She had unlimited prescription pads in her office. She would do this for Ryan. She would do this to be happy.

A/N2: Thoughts? Please review! I appreciate everyone setting this to story and author alert, but I NEED REVIEWs. Please? I'm an ego maniac like that :)


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